Missing Work

I am really missing work at the minute.
Brett's transplant was put back two weeks but that makes little difference when you think I have at least another year (if not two) with him.(Please GOD! Hopefully)

We were informed that Brett can still have temperatures after transplant and will need to be rushed to hospital when that happens. He will still have blood and platelet transfusions and weekly closed clinic meetings.

Closed means the clinic operates on the hospital ward rather than an outpatients department as outpatients is far too dangerous, he cant be around people.

Now if you're wondering why I'm not writing about this in the cancer blog:


Its because it isn't really about the cancer journey.. its about me as a person.

I do not resent a single moment I have spent with my son and I feel extremely fortunate to have been able to dedicate myself to him throughout this long journey.

I do not resent the remortgaging of the house nor the loss of my personal income which now stands at roughly  £150,000 (30k x 5years)

I just simply miss working.

I was a life coach which I adored and also a manager in a training company, which I also adored.

I did not adore the associated stress which accompanied the managers job (and sometimes the coaching job)

I simply adored the people I met, 
the people I worked with (I was very fortunate to work with a great bunch of characters)
I adored having that 'job well done' feeling
I adored coffee breaks enriched with the latest giggly gossip
I adored working towards a holiday and then being able to enjoy that holiday.

I miss targets and achieving them. (I was successful...there was never a chance I WOULDN'T achieve my targets...come on!!)

I miss being in control of outcomes, cancers a BITCH in that domain

"What do you mean that child died ? they did every thing they were supposed to do and lots more???"

Cancer doesn't play by management rules, or any rules for that matter.

I guess I just miss the sense of value that working gave me. 

Its a strange feeling you get when you don't feel you contribute to any company, organisation or the country you live in.

I will never understand the work shy - 

That element that exists in every society that don't want to work. 
Are they Lazy? Stupid? Lacking Ambition? I don't know.

Work is great whether you're the Bin Man or the Prime Minister, to have a reason and purpose to get up each day and to receive a financial reward at the end of the week - That what's its all about.

I am at home for love - Love of my child, there is no other reason I would be here.

Home is boring..... I look forward to the day when I can happily shout "come on mate, give me a job" ??


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