There are no bad children, just parents..rubbish

There is a general consensus around the world that 'bad' children come from 'bad' parents.
In the past I would have been inclined to agree with this view but my life experience has taught me otherwise.

I had always considered myself a good parent, well actually I would say I get top marks for trying hard.

I believed in rules and boundaries, I would punish if not achieved and reward when achieved. Solid and firm.

I have spent most my life following all of the rules that exist on this sad little planet;
I followed all the pregnancy rules, food and lifestyle etc
I was fortunate enough to be able to stay at home when the children when they were small (fortunate yet broke ha ha)
I continued following the weaning rules, the safety rules, the cleaning rules, the nutrition rules, the TV hours allowed rules, the early years education rules, the perfect school rules blah blah blah etc etc etc

And all I can say is, its all a crock of .....

I ended up with one child with mental health issues and one child with cancer.

For a while I still continued in the old ways saying "I don't care what they are going through, I still expect my good level of behaviour,"

What a load of balderdash and bunkum.

You cant solve all their problems by punishing, scolding and disregarding.
Equally, you cant mollycoddle, sooth and dissolve their problems with praise and gifts.

Sometimes all you can do is ...... guide.

My two kids can behave like selfish little brats. They can spew venom at each other when ever they get the chance. And they get the chance A LOT because we are living this horrid shut down little life.
Equally they can be each others support systems and they can be very loving and caring towards each other.

Do cancer families pull together ? - Yeah

Do they all have to like it ? - Hell NO

The bottom line is - I refuse to make my children like or be nice to each other 
because they are blood. 
They are learning about relationships. If you're nasty you don't much in return, if you're nice you get much more back.

I will not enforce falseness towards each other - "be nice or your punished"
But I can guide and say "I think your behaviour is not going to reap very nice rewards, you get what you give" etc

It doesn't mean accepting the unacceptable, it just means not punishing or scolding or spoiling the totally understandable.
Relationships are hard so we should learn some lessons early and not be so controlled by the so called adult,

Its more important to learn about actions and consequences than blindly following hard fast ridged rules.


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