Cold Comforts

I am ill again!!!!
I started developing this cold on Sunday.
I was happily cleaning the house (yes I know, I'm sad but having a clean and tidy house makes me feel calm) and I started sneezing, I thought it was due to excess dust, but no.
I think tidying soothes my inner control freak - When my son was ill, I wavered madly between couldn't give a hoot and Obsessive compulsive disorder.

MIL's ashes were shattered Saturday morning and it signified the end of that part of the chapter. Her house and all her treasured possessions still need sorting out but we felt that could wait.
We had decided to take a week off from the rushing around. Husband went back to work and I planned to get on with some serious writing. This blog is fun but I have two books on the go as well.

On Monday I felt so ill that I decided to phone in sick - its not that easy when you work from home.
Basic jobs were completed , feed dishwasher, feed washing machine, feed me and poorly son as he has the cold too, I cant even get ill in peace.
Lovely husband has wonderfully provided traditional English cooking when he has come home from work the past two evenings (he went up the chip shop!)
I normally am a very grumpy sick person, I hate being ill. I seem to see it as failure and sit thinking guiltily of all the things I should be doing. But I'm not mad at myself this time.

My body hasn't let me down - I understand it more now.
Over the past four years I have been ill twice. 
I know this because I have only missed cancer clinic two times. 
Once was with a cold and the other was with a shivery virus type thing.
Since my son has had his chemo ended, I have been ill about 4 times in 6 months.
As his immune system grew in strength, my immune system collapsed but its OK

Its the end of a very bad chapter in our lives and my body, mind and spirit is totally knackered spent.
Its a signal to take care of myself for a change and I am embracing it. 
I am sitting in a very warm house eating whatever I want, watching what I want on TV and if the guilt gremlins step in I squish 'em.

Not that I want my turn to be ill, far from it, but my time to care for me more? absolutely. Maybe if I do it well enough I'll stave off the next cold.


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