The sadist, the masochist and Christmas Day

Christmas has throughout the years been a happy time for most families. 
On the whole its peace, love, joy and happiness for all. But unfortunately there has always been those characters in our families that can't turn on the Christmas spirit even for one day - These people are the Scrooges pre-ghost visits.
They want to spread meanness, bitterness and annoyance to all. 
BC (before cancer) I probably didn't notice them or didn't care! If you want to be a misery guts - get on with it by your self.


This year is our first chemo free Christmas and I am really looking forward to it - I have so much love and appreciation for the people around me, having the chance to spend some quality time together is wonderful, but the scrooges this year began to do my head in. Moan, whinge 'aint it awful', I can handle but low level pot shots, snidey criticisms and horrible comments loosely dressed as jokes, are a bridge too far.
So what do you do? put up with it or just ignore them? No, that feels like your being a wimp, being walked over - I decided to come out fighting - I put a lot of energy into planning my arsenal of retorts - I was going to be the Rambo of the dinner table, except my bullets were equally mean comments and 'jokes', ready to fire the minute 'they' started.


Its Christmas - if you cant play nicely, get ready to be destroyed, I will not be your target this year Missy!
Then my guardian angel spoke to me - Well, my mum ha ha
I was on the phone venting my spleen to her, about this person, telling her how ready I was to take this person out and she was being very quiet in return - 
Mum told me very calmly that I was playing the game wrong - "You don't go down to people levels - when you argue back, they've won because they have got a rise out of you - they have all the power, its far better to stay nice and calm"
"Turn the other cheek is that what your telling me?" I virtually spat down the phone, furious she hadn't taken my side.
"Yes" she said "real power is in maintaining your grace even when provoked."
"Ever been a life coach mum?" I laughed.
"Beside" she added "deep down it really annoys them"


When I came off the phone her words were still stinging because she was right - what was I doing? Being mean just isn't me - Well not on purpose anyway, I may have hurt people in the past but that's because I suffer with a particular bad case of 'foot in mouth disease' But I never would hurt people intentionally.
I was reminded of a joke an English teacher told me when I was 11, I never understood the joke at the time but always remembered it:
The masochist pleaded to the sadist "please punch me, kick me, hit me, beat me, hurt me"
The sadist slowly smiled and replied "no"
Yes, 11 is too young for this joke and yes, he was a strange teacher.
By not retaliating, I am being graceful or am I really a sadist? I don't know, but I do know being nice and loving is closer to my real self and that's all that matters.
So with battle shield down, I march on .........wondering ..............I'm now 40 ......when will the time come that I am as wise am my mother...........probably never  x





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