Not sold on the sales

I tried to follow a tradition today but, alas, failed miserably.
I dared to try to go to a shopping centre and enjoy the sales.
Now, this is not something I normally do.
The last 4 years I couldn't go shopping (unless you count the hospital shops, and I did go in them - a lot!)
Sales generally have always given me the ebbe gebbes.

Firstly, if you have had SAS type aggression training - you should be able to get a parking space, eventually.
Then, you have to actually get into shops to be able to check out the 'great value' goods on offer. Where do all the people come from?

 I always seem to find the territorial shoppers - either its the young women with pushchairs, space invaders
or the 'elbow assassins'

The young women, I can cope with because you have a choice -they have strategically positioned their screaming toddler,whose strapped in its pram, in the aisle - blocking any chance of getting to the 50% off section - which needless to say, she is engrossed in, whilst talking loudly on her mobile phone to someone she obviously doesn't like! unless using every swear word and expletive is her idea of small talk?
 Do you move the pram to get by?
No bloody fear !! I don't which is worse, the menacing, furious, angry individual or their mum.

Elbow assassins are another story - these people don't care whose in 'their' way. They are going to shop, regardless of anyone. I admire their technique though could never use it myself - watch one at work and its quite clever - It goes like this:
 - elbows raised and pointed an 45 degree angle - Squeeze between two people - extend elbows out to side, firmly if need be, step forward and, once established - shop.
I find the best retort to such behaviour is "I'm sorry was I in your way?" but normally they are so in 'bargain' mode they don't even hear you.

The space invaders are the worst - Your happily looking at stuff and you turn to say to your partner/friend/child "oh this is nice" and there's someone in your face - literally. You jerk back in shock at the sheer closeness of this other unknown human being and they seize the opportunity to push in a little closer. The object of this game seems to be to make you sooooo uncomfortable that you have to go. (maybe this is just England - we don't do 'close')
You can try and make a joke such as "the last time some one was this close to me I got pregnant" but normally its just better to go.

And finally, if you do make it to the sale rail its nothing but disappointment all the way:
The clothes always look like they're charity shop rejects -
The crockery is often chipped or just hideous,
and the bits and bobs that are 75% off - are all the stuff you bought at full price less then a week ago.

 This year after an hour spent trying 4 different car parks - and already feeling stressed we headed home - after all, who needs it? It's only a bargain if you wanted it in the first place.  X


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