The Happiest Day of My Life

The happiest day of your life is supposed to be your wedding day or the day your children are born.
They are wonderful days but today has surpassed all those other times.
Today, we gave back the hospital equipment that was loaned to us whilst my son fought his cancer battle.


As we cleaned it all for the last time, I couldn't help but get really emotional. It takes an awful lot to make me cry now. At some point over the last few years it seems as though the 'feeling' part of me had been amputated.
I'm not sure if its some obscure coping mechanism that we all probably have deep inside of us.
Is it that your so afraid to cry in case you never stop, or just afraid to give into the fear?
I don't know but I tried to be very strong, in words and deeds, to reassure both my children 'everything was going to be ok.'

With the equipment assembled in my hall, all I kept having was terrible flashbacks. I could see my poorly, emaciated son sitting in his wheel chair. I was suddenly seeing the many times he was rushed into hospital to be put on heart monitors and connected to many tubes whilst they gently tried to build his vitamins levels up. He was at risk of dying of malnutrition.
He was eating 3500 calories per day and losing 2.5kg per week. He was dreadfully and dangerously underweight and the doctors had no idea why. They knew it was some form of side effect from the chemotherapy but were powerless to do anything about it. They had tried everything.

Maybe the effects of living 'one day at a time' for the past 3 years, had finally got to me.
Although, there had been days, when he was very ill with pneumonia, that it we lived just 'breath by breath'.


Now ,my demands of my son are "put your clothes away, empty the dishwasher, tell me if your going to be home late"
So strange! When I started this year saying gently to him, "just breath, don't try and talk, just try and breath." whilst I stroked his hair wondering, again, if this was going to be it.

I've just waved my wonderfully handsome and healthy son off to sixth form. Double maths is on his agenda for today "if you are going shopping don't forget BBQ sauce and Pepsi" he shouted over his shoulder and cheekily grinned at me.

I closed the door and looked again at all the equipment.
I am very grateful for all of it, as it really helped us.
I hope the next person that has to use the equipment has the same positive outcome as us.

And I said a silent prayer that when the equipment goes out the door, that may those dark painful memories go too.
We don't need bad memories, they serve no purpose at all.
Today - life is good and all is well in my world.

That's why today, truly, is the happiest day of my life.

Comments

  1. Hi
    BOSSY BRIAN here.....Thats what your cheeky young Son calls me anyway, probably right though! Just read your Nov. 4th Blog....Being aware of the horrendous last four years you have been forced to endure, I thought you 'spelt' it out very well. I have read it over and over again, simply because it rammed home to me just what a torturous period you and your family have had. We all believe that we have all of the answers when it comes to facing up to the problems that a normal life throws up at us, it is only when we read a message like yours that we realize that life has a habit of being very cruel, you have taken it all and managed to survive just about as bad as it can get!...I am full of admiration for you and your family for the manner in which you have handled the 'four year sentence' imposed upon you.
    I would imagine from your Blog name....that if nothing else dealing with this terrible illness
    has given you fresh insight into the purpose of the Life Coach....your previous occupation!
    I am a great believer in that University degrees, higher education, moral attitudes and a lot of the hypothetical jabber that goes around cannot compare to having 'Lived'...Life itself is the greatest teaching establishment on earth....Living the life in all its aspects, throughout the pleasures and in your case the adversity is the only thing that can give you the necessary experience to 'put others right'.
    I would be very surprised if your entire approach to the remainder of your life has not changed significantly, and probably for the better from this day on...."THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE".....Take a bow...Your happiness will be shared by many others, me for one! By the way did you get his Pepsi?????

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  2. Hi Brian
    Thanks for the lovely comment.
    Yes of course he got his Pepsi and BBQ sauce, though now he's off chemo, I cant seem to keep any food or drink in the house for very long, ha ha.
    Thanks again.
    Sars xx

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