You have a friend in me ...really??
Such a good life coach in the past, was I, that I actually practised what I preached (well, most of the time).
I did indeed hear that positive voice in my ear ready to destroy any negativity when it came knocking at my door.
I made Mary Poppins look like a crack addict because I was so annoyingly perky. People came from far and wide for my advice, help or just for my ear. I attracted every down, stuck or sad ass person within a 10 mile radius.
I had a full social diary, I was very popular and I had loads of friends – Or so I thought….. when the shit hit the fan in my life I noticed I didn’t have quite as many friends as I thought.
One of the most painful side effects of any disaster or bad time in your life is the realisation that the very people you thought would be your friends until the end of time, the very people who had leaned on YOU for years, weren’t able to support you back for more than one second.
I cringe at the amount of sacrifices I had made to support them. Like missing a nice meal with my husband or upsetting other family members by inviting a 'tag on' to a family party because 'they're suffering' and needed cheering up. Or the endless hours spent on the phone in the dark early hours listening, aaaawwing and telling them how great they are….
These people exhibit nothing but the ‘I cant do it’ attitude – possibly because these types of people live under the pretence that they can't handle a change in weather, let alone life.
Making someone else a cup of tea and offering them a friendly ear would be ridiculous.. 'for gods sake, don’t be stupid – I have ME to think about here' would be their internal dialogue.
Is it that they're just the takers in this world? maybe they're not vulnerable at all. Maybe they're cold calculating self fish pricks that have these super inflated ego's and are not willing to give-to or be there for any one else?
Maybe their mum forgot to say to them one day 'You little prat the world doesn’t revolve round you, you know!'. Maybe they're more like 'veruca' from Charlie and the chocolate factory, then the 'victim' label they hold and cherish so much.?
'Why do these things always happen to me …' they perpetually whine to any poor sod who will listen (and some that only pretended to listen). All because of that job they didn’t get, promotion they didn’t get, partner who dumped them etc etc etc. forgetting the fact that there are other people on this planet who have a right to exist and prosper JUST the same as they do.
Who knows? All I know is that once your sad news has been told and the stony silence has been broken, the promises of being there for you, "call me anytime night or day, I'll text everyday" etc ..quickly fade.
The sad truth is that 'they' don’t call and 'they' are busy when you call them and if you do speak, the conversation turns abruptly to them within seconds.
The cold realisation is that this actually was a one way relationship and you have wasted parts of your life on selfish, shallow, deadhead people. BUT it still hurts.
But the equally great thing about this realisation is that you have a moment of real honesty and all of a sudden it hits you that you are SO loved and cherished by the people that ARE there for you, the people that DO care and the people who are willing to run down the street naked (if it would help at all). The people who are willing to receive to the midnight calls, the sad,frightened and angry texts, those who are willing to see the weakness you are displaying and it doesn’t falter them at all.
'They' always have something warming to say even if its simply that they 'are so proud of you', 'your doing so well', 'keep going', 'I'll be round tomorrow or should I come now?'
And the wonderful thing during this time is that you do have some really nice surprises.
And a simple message to the 'other' people, the people who haven't been there...is this....there will be no going back and I won't forget….